Ryan and I just have not been getting along lately. For a while I was making notes of when he was a jerk to try to keep myself realistic about things. I never wanted to be in an unhappy relationship. The majority of my relationships have been unhappy. I end up with guys who are sweet talkers, they know what to say and do to get themselves out of the doghouse, but are generally too selfish/self centered to factor my needs into the equation of our relationship. As an addict, Ryan was *completely* self centered. I'm not entirely sure he knows how to put someone else's needs before his own because he has never once had to. He's fully aware that he was a crappy boyfriend in the past and he's eventually going to have to make amends to those women. He doesn't totally get it when it comes to me, though. He knows the words, but the sentiment is entirely meaningless when a half an hour later I'm getting yelled at because the apartment is a mess when we're currently in the process of moving and I sold our bookcase and we now have nowhere to put a lot of our stuff so it's all over the place.