B: Nothing
L: Nothing
D: 2 slices of pizza, 20 oz Hawaiian punch, then 4 of these kids pop things which are 70 cals for 2.
Later: 2 more slices of Pizza :(

I definitely DID NOT need those last 2 slices of pizza... I should have just gone to bed. I'm probably just thirsty, anyway.

I know the solution is to just start eating tiny meals. As much as I know that, I can't get the whole "eat barely anything and lose weight" thing out of my head. Yeah, if I was actually exercising so I don't go into starvation mode and retain calories. I went on a walk with Ryan after dinner, but it didn't really amount to much.

I can't wait for wellbutrin to kick in so I stop having junk food cravings. I started losing weight when I was on it before and it keeps me from compulsive overeating and once I stop being so depressed I'll hopefully have the will to start leaving the house again, so I should be able to get on track. My mom actually asked me if I wanted to spend the summer working out and trying to lose weight as opposed to school. The good thing about that is it would actually set me up to not be depressed and maybe I would actually be capable of doing stuff again. I don't even like leaving the house right now. My stomach is so big I can't fit many of my shirts over it and my shirts ride up and I"m constantly pulling them down.

I stepped on the scale today after staying off of it for a while. 217.6. That's .4 lb away from 218. I would realistically like to lose weight at about 2lbs a week. If I could stay on track and start losing weight consistantly instead of this unhealthy yoyo cycle, I could lose... 8 lbs in June, 8 lbs in July, 8 lbs in August for a summer total of 24. Which would only put me at 193.6. Actually, that doesn't sound too bad. It kills me because I was there not too long ago, but maybe if I kick it up a couple notches I'll lose 3 lbs some of those weeks. I used to be able to lose 2 lbs/week easily and that's when I was in the 150's, so I should be able to lose weight faster once I'm able to stick with something. I don't really think my body wants to be this weight. I think once I start working out again, I'll lose weight fairly quickly. I mean, I haven't even been this weight for very long. Anyway, I hope I can stay motivated. I don't want to get crazy, I don't want to do this the unhealthy way and have the weight just pile back on. Ultimately, I wish I could just embrace a healthy lifestyle and be satisfied, but I can't stop thinking about those numbers on the scale.

Speaking of my weight... I'm a size 14. I read something earlier where a girl weighed the same as me and was a size 20. So, I guess I should be happy with how I carry the weight? I'd definitely rather be a smaller size and be big all over than to be super disproportionate.

Ryan wants to lose weight, as well. We basically weigh the same right now although he's physically bigger than me (taller and much wider chest/back), he has skinny legs though. I don't know why it seems so impossible/unattainable. I know he makes it MUCH HARDER on me. If it wasn't for him, I'd probably just always be eating fruit/vegetables and brown rice, but he's a lot more "meat and potatoes" like my dad. Maybe I should just tell him he has to fend for himself when it comes for food and I'll just eat whatever I feel like? I don't know, it's so much work being with someone. I'm not complaining, it's just I feel like I'm managing both of our lives. He complains that I don't get enough done during the day, but he doesn't realize how much pressure he's putting on me. I never planned on living this life at 23 and I can barely take care of myself, let alone someone else. Why do I have to be soley responsible for every single household chore? The apartment is neat enough.